i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Randomize
