Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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