Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
