Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
