all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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