and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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