i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
