I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
