u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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