I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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