Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
