I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
