4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
