ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
