john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
