i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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