btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
