i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
