just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
