Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
