the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
