Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
