the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I need a beard to bite.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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