I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
