Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
