she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
