Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
