The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
