Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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