1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
At least make sure they are 18
Why
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
