I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize