New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
