I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
