i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
