Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
