a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Less talking, more tequila
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
