I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
