Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
BRING THE BAGELS
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
