i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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