drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
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I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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