remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
