i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
