You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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