He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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