hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
