I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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