I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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