he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
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He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
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I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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