i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
