ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
