I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
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Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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