Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
