Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
