he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
