You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
