ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
