I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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