I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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