I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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