Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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