Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
