Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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