What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
As shirtless as possible
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
