Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
