In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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