Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
