i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
