i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
