god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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