Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
