one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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