Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
