Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
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The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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