Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
