"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Come on in and take your pants off
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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