One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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