I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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