I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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