You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
