Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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